Talk Tuesday | How I cope with my Anxiety #BISDTT

Hello, Hi, Bonjour, Hola, Ciao, Ola, Namaste ....

welcome back to Talk Tuesday. 

This week I thought I would share with you how I like to deal/cope with my Anxiety.
Now, I have suffered for a long time. I have medication which takes the edge off day to day but I still suffer several times a week, with Anxiety attacks, panic attacks and episodes.
It's not easy, it never will be and different things work for different people BUT you need to almost try before you buy. Test run the lot.
You need to find what works for you, and use those techniques to your advantage. 

A Well Balanced Diet. 

As cliche as it sounds, you are what you eat. I found this out during this past year.
I always find that when I eat crap – I feel crap. It really is that simple.
Now, I am not saying go out and buy everything local and organic. What I am saying is, take care of your body. Do not fuel it with rubbish.
I love a cream cake, chocolate bar and a good bottle of wine or two. Just learn your limits. Even if it means adding a small portion of extra goodness here and there.
I highly recommend drinking tones of water too! Water flushes all the toxins out of your body. Honestly, it helps so much!

Breathe.

Again, I find this so cliché but it helps me. I can feel an attack coming, I do not get too much of a warning, but I feel my body get tense, I feel my temperature rise and my heart starts beating faster. 

I find myself gasping for air and I have to sit down, wherever I am and just breathe. 

I find that concentrating on something first hand helps, but concentrating on my breathing in turn calms me down. 

I like to take long, deep breaths and close my eyes. Sometimes, when I feel an attack oncoming or I feel a little anxious just doing this prevents the attack even happening.

Sleep.
Sleep is so important, and when I lack sleep I feel awful. Not only being I am tired and ratty but because I cannot function properly, I almost feel like my anxiety has advantages over my body. When I lack sleep and feel as though I am not in control of my body my anxiety tends to heighten and strike at the strangest of times. So I could not recommend sleep enough – although if you are like me … I struggle to fall asleep. 

Once I fall asleep, there are no natural disasters that can shake me, but falling asleep is a mission in itself. 

I find watching/listening to YouTube videos really help me. I love listening to guided meditations on my iPad. They often concentrate on your breathing and tensing your body, then releasing the tenseness and relaxing your mind, body and soul.  

Utilize 'Me' Time.

I work nights and in the care sector, I have a really busy schedule with work and trying to catch up with sleep as well as my blog and business ventures I have taken up this year, so I often found myself a little ‘lost’ I cannot recommend ‘Me’ time enough. Whether it’s as simple as a hour of the evening, to have a hot bubble bath and relax, reading a book or just sitting in my room alone in silence. 

You really need to look after yourself. Why not try it? If you are super busy, set yourself a target. 

Even if you start small. I also love to have time alone to just listen to music. Music helps me and dealing with my anxiety SO much its ridiculous. There is no certain genre or artist. I just love music, music that I can relate too, I love to dance (that does not mean that I can) and I love to sing. Therefore, 

I surround myself by music. I ensure I listen to at least an hour of music a day.

Positive Mindset.

I think I find this the hardest. This is where I struggle the most, but anxiety is and always will be a constant battle. You need to be positive – as hard as it sounds and as hard as it is. 

I am an active thinker. Everything happens for a reason, and I need to know that reason, I need to understand that reason and if I do not, there is a reason, so I am constantly thinking, overthinking and rethinking – it is a killer. 

Sometimes, just sometimes I need to almost slap myself in the face. I need to remind myself that the only way I will beat this, and the moods is to be positive. 

The world is not out to get you. It does not matter if someone doesn’t like you! It does not matter if friends cancel a date, just because someone did not text you first – it does not mean they hate you. I find quotes help loads. I spend hours on Pinterest looking up positive quotes and I love following positive people. Whether that is in life, by surrounding myself with positive people or on my social media – following positive celebrities or people.

Talk, Talk and Talk some more.

Without doubt my biggest and best coping mode. As soon as I feel crap, I talk. Whether it’s to a friend, my mum or even writing a blog post. I started this blog three years ago, and throughout my blogging journey its taken me a while to find where I would fit in. I love makeup, I am a trained beauty therapist,

 I love fashion and I am an advocate for the plus sized woman and proving that just because you are plus size it does not mean you cannot succeed or be happy. I love travelling and food. I realized this year that it does not matter if I do not fit in. this is my blog and what I want to write is up to me, if people read it – great! If not, who actually cares?

I enjoy doing this and it makes me happy. That is why I feel so passionate about writing and expressing my feelings and thoughts when it comes to mental health. Whether someone reads this and finds it helps or not. It helps me. If I feel like I cannot talk to someone, or its too late at night and I need an outlet there my blog is where I turn. It does not mean I have to publish the post, but being about to talk (type technically and to myself) it helps. 

Find your outlet, 

talk, scream if you need too just do not keep it inside because it will kill you.

Accept the Inevitable.

I find it hard to cope sometimes, as mentioned previously I am such a active thinker, and this is such a struggle for me. Accepting the inevitable has helped me though. Sometimes you cannot control what happens around you.

 Sometimes people are nasty and vile. Sometimes people die (morbid I know, but the truth) sometimes people move on and change. It is all part of life and holding on will not help your anxiety. 

Accept the inevitable and move the fuck on. If you cannot change it, do not worry. I love the saying “If it's not going to matter in 5 years, don't spend more than 5 minutes being upset about it”

Walk, Run, Jog. 

Whenever I feel anxious, I find the outside helps. Being cooped up inside your house never helps and never makes you feel better, although it is my ‘safe place’ getting outside and experiencing the nature will help you.

 The fresh air, the freedom. Whether you go for a drive, walk, run, jog, skip or bloody jump! Get outside. 

Even your backyard. Exercise helps loads too, besides the happy endorphin's that it creates; it makes you focus on something other than all the shit anxiety brings.

Face your fears. 

I have many, spiders, snakes, clowns, death, loneliness, heights I could go on …. Now do not panic. I am not about to say that the only way to beat anxiety is to start a battle against the world’s largest snakes, spiders and clowns whilst at 15000ft alone *hahaha* but small steps will help. 

If you wake up one day and you are supposed to be meeting friends, and your anxiety is starting to play havoc then you take control! This is your life, not your anxieties! Find your steps which help you control and keep your anxiety at bay and use these to your advantage.

I promise you, you’ll feel so much better for trying than for giving in. There has been many of occasions that I have not gone to social events and met up with friends because of my anxiety and depression. I can tell you that the alternative of staying in – does not help.

Learn your triggers.

You need to be able to identify your triggers to be able to cope. You also need to be able to identify them to be able to battle them. Believe it or not, 

one of my biggest triggers surrounds people, and crowds. Yes – I avoid them because I know that is the easiest thing to do but it does not stop me from going out.

 I learn where to go, and where not to go, certain times will be busier.

 I also find going out with people who understand my anxiety helps.

I hope that this helps someone. 

If you ever need to talk, then please message me. 

I am always here. 

You are NEVER alone! 

Want to talk? 

Please feel free to email me, or find me on social media (all linked on my blog) and I will be more than happy to speak to you. Use the Hashtag #BISDTT to get the conversation started online!

Useful Information and Links. 

NHS Depression Self Assessment

NHS Mood Self Assessment 

MoodJuice Self Help Guide

MIND - Mental Health Charity

NHS Choices Turn2me - Online Counselling

Rethinkdepression

Talk Tuesday | Tommy's Story #BISDTT

Hello, Hi, Bonjour, Hola, Ciao, Ola, Namaste .... 

welcome back to Talk Tuesday. 

This week I am super excited to bring a guest post to you. 

The following post features the most beautiful human being ever, Tommy. I had the pleasure of connecting with Tommy via Instagram recently. I love how open-minded he is and how honest he is when it comes to speaking about mental health. so, without further-a-do sit back, relax and lets talk Tuesday! 

Who are you?  Where are you from? What do you do for a living?
Tell my readers a little about yourself.

 I am Thomas. From Liverpool. I am a florist and love My job. I am a creative person and can't do the same thing all the time. I love new tasks and progressing in life!

How has Mental Health affected you?
 I suffered with severe anxiety a few years ago and I actually didn't know much about anxiety or anything around mental health. But when something triggered my anxiety I felt like someone had opened a doorway in my mind to all these questions that kept getting thrown to the front of my mind constantly. I felt like my mind was always asking me about what might happen or what have you just said...was that OK?.......are they gonna hate me now?.....my friends will not wanna talk to me, to not standing still. Rocking sitting up in bed because my mind wouldn't stop to have a breather. I felt like I had this mad inside my head typing away with these Scenarios that have happened and what might happen.

Why did you want to take part in #TalkTuesday? 

I am taking apart in talk Tuesday as for what I felt and thought wasn't nice and I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone as I thought people will think I'd lost it. 

Why do you think it is so important for us to talk about Mental Health? 

It's important to talk about our mental health as it's all within our mind body and souls. People don't see what's wrong. And that's why some people would say you look fine when inside you feel like for dying. Talking about our thoughts and are feelings is only gonna be good!!! 

How did you overcome this? Did you receive any treatment? How easy was it to gain access to the help you needed? 

After putting up with panic attacks and crying with frustration on a daily basic for about two weeks I finally went the doctors where I was looked at like I had two heads. I broke down in the room and felt like this was my last cry for help. I was wrong. My Doctor sent me on my way with no help. Just told me not to drink alcohol or take any energy drinks.

If you could give one piece of advice to someone who could be reading this suffering in silence what would it be? 

I would say speak to your best friend. Open up. Even go online and look for a mental health blog to talk to a stranger. You are not alone. Thousands of people within the UK suffer with mental health and your not alone. There is always help.

You can connect with Tommy via Instagram HERE

He is always open to speaking about Mental Health and will always offer and shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. He often mentions Mental Health on his stories. 

Want to talk? 

Please feel free to email me, or find me on social media (all linked on my blog) and I will be more than happy to speak to you. Use the Hashtag #BISDTT to get the conversation started online!

Useful Information and Links. 

NHS Depression Self Assessment

NHS Mood Self Assessment 

MoodJuice Self Help Guide

MIND - Mental Health Charity

NHS Choices Turn2me - Online Counselling

Rethinkdepression

Talk Tuesday | My Story #BISDTT

Hello, Hi, Bonjour, Hola, Ciao, Ola, Namaste .... 

now this is a completely new venture on my blog. 

i have been meaning to do this for such a long time, but i guess a number of things have put me off. 

it wasn't until i put in place my new schedule that i actually thought 'crap' its now on the schedule, so i need to provide the content. 

firstly, lets talk about what to expect from this entire series .... 

- the truth, raw, honest truth. it may be a trigger to some people. so you have been warned. 

- help, advice and hopefully a light at the end of a deep dark tunnel for some. 

- proof, facts and relief for many people. 

the entire idea behind #talktuesday will be to talk, about anything. absolutely anything!  

Although i want to base the series around mental health, and raising awareness i want to talk about anything that has a stigma surrounding it. 

i have so much content planned for this. 

i am so excited to kick it off. 

what made me want to create #talktuesday? 

i have suffered with mental health myself, and i know how hard it can be to locate help, advice and just someone to talk to. i wanted to create a 'safe place' that people can share their thoughts, ask and give advice and just talk. there is no worse feeling than feeling alone. so i hope that by covering the topics i plan to cover here, it will make people realise that they are not alone. 

what can you expect from #talktuesday? 

i, myself will be covering topics around mental health. i have spoken to loads of people who have suffered, suffering and recovered from mental health and i have some amazing guest posts coming up. so sit back, buckle up and enjoy. 

what is my story? 

My name is shannon and i have serve anxiety and depression. there - i said it.
until now, i honestly do not think i have ever openly said that before, let alone typed it.

i cannot pin point when it all started, but what i can remember is from a very young age, always feeling this 'weird' feeling. i think it started with separation anxiety. its just me and mum at home, and i was so used to it just being me and my mum. i remember going to a sleep over at my friends house, who lived down the same road as me and crying because i missed my mum (pathetic eh!) i remember being so jealous when people were around my mum. i hated it. nothing really come from those situations though. i went to school as any normal child would, i went to college the same. it was not until i went back to college that i noticed it again, i hated being alone. i would hate getting public transport alone, i felt like everyone was constantly looking at me - staring. i put it down to the fact i was plus sized, and i thought everyone was looking at me and laughing at how fat i looked - but looking back now, and reflecting - was it really? or was that all part of it too? its such a blurred experience for me. Again, i cannot pin point the moment when i sat there and thought "you know what, i reckon i am  depressed" what i do remember though is how i come to admit the situation and seek help ... 

i work in mental health myself. i am in the care sector and every so often, we have supervisions. i had mine with my supervisor (we will call her N for the sake of this) and we sat down, started talking, discussing work related things when all of a sudden everything i was saying turned sour. Everything i had to say were negatives. i found it really hard to find any positives. we continued talking and i guess she saw it in me. N had mentioned how I was not myself recently and that She was concerned and N suggested that i may be a little down in the dumps, i completely ignored what she said and the supervision continued. Throughout the supervision with N I shed some tears, here and there but once i started, i could not stop. i was sobbing now, uncontrollably. We started talking about why I had been having so many sick days (I think at this moment in time I had been 'sick' well over 30 times already that year) and I could not explain it. I tried, but I couldn't. It wasn't because I was ashamed to say the reasoning, or I was embarrassed. I did not even have the words to say, I simply could not explain. It was the strangest feeling  ....  

Now, we must have been speaking for a good hour  or so, and N very openly and honestly come out with the following sentence
"Shannon, have you ever considered that you might be feeling depressed?" 

I laughed - almost immediately.   wiped away the tears, sniffed as hard and possible and laughed. 

Almost instantly I had all these visions going around in my head, All these comments that I thought people would make. The only way I could explain this moment was if you imagined you were picked up, right now wherever you are right this second, and thrown into the biggest, busiest crowd of loud, stomping people. All going crazy, shouting and screaming. They were all ten feet tall and there was you, little old you lost in the crowd. i felt lost - or did i? 

We continued talking, and she suggested i made a doctors appointment.  I remember leaving that supervision feeling drained. emotionally, mentally, physically drained. I went home and spent the evening with my best friend and mum and I recall talking about the situation and even my Mum said she understood. She could see what N was saying. Mum said my attitude had changed. I was lazy. I was horrible. Snappy. Aggressive. Unmotivated. All which was true, but until now I never saw this. My best friend stayed that night to ensure I made a doctors appointment the next morning. which I did. 

So the next morning I nervously called the doctors and made an appointment - for the same day. Myself and my best friend went along and I remember sitting in the waiting room shaking my leg violently with nerves as I waited to see the doctor. 

I remember almost turning back when I got to the door, but I didn't and I am glad. 

The diagnoses. 

personally I think the entire process to being diagnosed with depression is pathetic - there's a questionnaire you are asked to fill out. Your answers are scored between 'Not at all' - 'Nearly Every Day' and the questions consisted of things such as 

"Have you found little pleasure or interest in doing things?
Have you found yourself feeling down, depressed or hopeless? 
Have you had trouble falling or staying asleep, or sleeping too much?
Have you been feeling tired or had little energy?
Have you had a poor appetite or been overeating?
Have you felt that you're a failure or let yourself or your family down?
Have you had some trouble concentrating on things like reading the paper or watching TV?
Have you been moving or speaking slowly, or been very fidgety, so that other people could notice?
Have you thought that you'd be better off dead or hurting yourself in some way?

- I think it was now that I realised, even before the doctor assessed my answers and spoke. 

I realised I was depressed.  i was certain they were about to lock me up and throw away the key. There is no way you can answer the worst to the majority of those and be okay. never, nope !!! 

The doctor then assessed my answered, and diagnosed me the anxiety and depression. I could say i was shocked but I wasn't.
We spoke about different options available to me, and I chose Medication and Therapy. 

I started on a 20mg dose of Citalapram, once a day and got the ball rolling for therapy.
I was signed off of work for 2 weeks, and started my medication that evening. 

Telling people. 

Firstly, I told my best friend (she was there with me) I then rang my mum. She was brilliant and so understanding throughout the entire process. I really do owe so much to her. I then went to work, where I was due that evening for a shift. I asked to speak to my manager and again, burst out crying. I remember holding my sick certificate in my hand, wiping my eyes with my other hand and saying "This is awkward .... I'm depressed - yay!" in a really sarcastic way. i remember being petrified of what they would say. I thought I would get sacked. I thought they would laugh and make comments like "What have you got to be depressed about?" but they did not. Their faces sunk, they offered me a hug. They completely understood. There were no comments, no laughter, no snide remarks. One of my managers even explained their experience with depression. I felt like a tone of bricks had been lifted right there, at the moment.

The rest of the day was a slight blur to be honest. I felt drained, once again. I guess it was the fact I had held all these emotions and feelings in for so long. I had suppressed all these very powerful emotions and all at once they all appeared. 

I decided not to tell anyone at first. I did not want anyone at work knowing. I did not want the sympathy. I did not want family knowing because I was ashamed and embarrassed. I did not want friends knowing because I didn't want them to think differently of me. So for a while it was just me, mum, shelbi (best friend) and management. 

A few days passed and people started to text me from work, asking if I was okay because on the rota I was noted as 'sick' I told the people I trusted, and to my anxiety filled mined I was surprised that they didn't care and were supportive.

I finally plucked up the courage to tell family, I told my Nan first, and then my uncle because he also suffers from depression. I then told my aunty and I guess from there my entire family found out. 

It gets worse before it gets better. 

It is true what they say - it does get worse before it gets better, and oh my it sucks!! I have never experienced something like it. I guess there are almost stages you go through and experience, in no particular order i experienced the following .... 

- relief - 

- denial - 

- embarrassment - 

- Confusion - 

- worry - 

- disbelief - 

- more worry - 

- acceptance - 

- recovery - 

- relapse - 

I will not lie to you here, I spent a solid 10 days in bed. I am not even exaggerating - I felt awful. 
My best friend come and visited me, and she would come to my bedroom and try her hardest to make a conversation but I was like a soulless body.  She tried to get me up and out the house, take me shopping and for lunch but I did not want to move. I was either crying or sleeping. The only time I left my room was to use the bathroom. I think I even went without a bath or shower for a good 4 days. Mum tried everything possible to help me. I was not eating, hardly drinking. I was not helping myself at all. Looking back, I think it was a mixture of the emotions I was going through and the medication because this started to dull after around three weeks. 

The following weeks. 

I remember waking up daily, and mum reminding me to take my tablets (I forget everything) and I almost started to resent them. They were making me feel like shit - they are supposed to make me better! I wouldn't want to put a number on it but I think around 12 weeks time I was happy. I was smiling. I was back to my 'normal' self.  I was starting to socialize with friends again and back to work regularly. No one was 'pussy footing' around me anymore and things were back on track.  

Now, if you know me in person you will know i am the biggest, bubbliest, loudest, sarcastic piece of shit you will ever come across! So it was nice to be back to that person. The person I am, know and am known for. it was over the following weeks that I was able to look back and reflect. It was then clear that all of the dramatic thoughts, over thinking, over analyzing was all due to my anxiety which has turned into a much larger problem (but i will cover that another time) Things slowly, but surely begun to make sense again. 

Relapse. 

Unfortunately once you have depression and anxiety, you have it.
You cannot take some tablets, have some therapy and once you feel good stop everything because that's what I did. 

Not once, but twice. I am now back at the start again. I have relapsed but this time I know what to do. I know I need help. I am not ashamed or embarrassed to ask for help, and this time I want to help others to get help too. I want to stop people from feeling ashamed. I want to help people get the help and advice that they deserve because no-one on this planet deserves to feel the way that depression makes you feel. No one deserves to wake up every morning dreading to be alive. 

I will cover the rest of my story, dealing with a relapse, more explanations etc over the following weeks. 

Remember.

Life is for living. 

Too many people are just living to be alive.
To live doesn't mean you are alive. 

i really hope that you managed to take something from this. It was so emotionally hard for me to write. To relive the past and to try and put myself back in such a dark time in my life. I understand it may not be the easiest of reads but If I can help one person, I will be content with that.

if you want to take part then please contact me,
i would be happy to talk to you whether you just need someone to talk to, some advice, guidance or even if you want to guest-post! 

I will be back next week with a guest-post from the incredible tommy, you can find him on Instagram here 

have a lovely week. 

remember, no-one is alone. 

ask for help. 

it's okay not to be okay. 

Want to talk? 
Please feel free to email me, or find me on social media (all linked on my blog) and I will be more than happy to speak to you. Use the Hashtag #BISDTT to get the conversation started online!

Useful Information and Links. 

NHS Depression Self Assessment
NHS Mood Self Assessment 
MoodJuice Self Help Guide
MIND - Mental Health Charity
NHS Choices Turn2me - Online Counselling
Rethinkdepression